I actually typed an entry halfway yesterday, then doris wanted to use the desk so i got up and sat on the comfy couch. Then it was time to go home so i packed my things and went home on the transport provided.

AND I LEFT THIS WINDOW OPEN.

*takes a deep breath* Nvm, fair and square. We found out about each other's secret yesterday. Hers was a more serious thing though.

For the 2nd night in a row, i was made to eat the tiny but oh-my-god-drop-dead-yummy xiao long baos at crystal jade. The taste of the soup just lingers on a right note even an hour after eating it.

I'm gloriously happy today. Haha. I've got nice nailpolish on my fingernails and it was done in ten mins. Loreal is good. But it cost me ten friggin bucks. You know the irony of everything? I can actually walk in orchard for an entire day and end up not buying anything that i like, but in the end within one hour in Jurong point I actually find stuff that i like.

I've got an interview scheduled for tmr. Whoo-pee-doo...

The prawn crackers are cutting my throat but I'm still downing them. They're so yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cher just called. Wheeee...

She replied. She replied, she replied!!!!

and i'm off work!!!!!

He hasn't given me an answer though. *pout*

Check out all I've done for today.

1) File in a few statement of accounts
2) Put some invoices into envelopes
3) Stamp some bank cheque deposit envelopes
4) Minimal Filing

OMG. I feel woozy cos there's no work and I've been so slack I'm about to scream and rip my hair out. You know the feeling of wanting that one thing so much but it never seems to come? That's what's happening now. I wanted the esplanade job so bad but it's not coming. She hasn't replied and I'm getting increasingly impatient.

The last samurai was good. Katsumoto was THE MAN. Highly recommended.

B.O.R.E.D

It's yet another bluey monday. *boo*

I didn't have a good trip to KL, and neither did i have a good cny. I think I'm just becoming increasingly pessimistic. And it really bugs me, the fact that i feel the family has somehow become so divided we no longer care for each other as much as we used to. Gossiping here and there, and back-stabbing. It just makes me feel sick all over. How can one be so nice on the surface and yet talk behind their backs with just a turn of the face. I'd say I can't excuse myself of being guilty of that crime, but I've been pulled into it. Given a choice, I'd rather just not go there at all. And mind you, I used to really like going to KL.

The office is pathetic today. I'm the only girl around. Halleluia. And the only soul on this level has just left me as well. Other than printing invoices the whole day, I've just been day-dreaming. I want another job. I want a job that allows me to interact with people, not being cooped up in a room all day. I didn't mind an office job, but i would have rather much preferred having an open office where more people sit together.

So I'm 18 going 19 and boyfriend-less. I'd be lying if i said i didn't care, cos valentine's day just has that extra pinch on my skin, and it's beginning to sting real bad. And what did i just do? i just admitted on my blog that i actually want a boyfriend. I just don't give a damn. Everything's so fucked up sometimes i wish there was someone who could share it with me.

Just one of my pms moods again, that might just develop into depression. yay.....

And you know what? I think sometimes it's just better if you told the person straight in the face about what you're unhappy about. Maybe you'll feel much happier and the person can change for the better. Stop being such a wimp.

As much as i would have liked to gorge on all the new year goodies just to appease my angst, i can't.

45 more mins and i'm off!!!!!!!

*counts the seconds*

Think I'll probably knock out on the way to kl later.. Slept pretty late last night just to get my nails done. Hmmm.. the keyboard sounds funny today. Shit.. hope i wasn't too rough when i got frustrated with typing those invoices out. There's this springy sound. ack!

So many things that i have been dissatisfied with and still no outlet for them all. It's stifling. And my colleague downstairs gave me a longwinded talk about how young people nowadays are losing their culture. haha.

Don't know why, but some things that matter to certain people don't seem important to me at all. Have i been oblivious or have you just been over reacting. I mean after all what do you expect me to do or say when i don't even understand what you're going through because to me it seemed like such a trivial matter. Maybe I'll never understand you in this lifetime.

I don't wish for that to happen but time and time again as much as i have tried to enter your world there's just this door that is shut tight. I give up.

Well happy new year to everyone then, and have fun visiting!!!!! I shall scooter off to kl. With my sat stuff. Which till now, has still been only less than half covered. So what else is new?

There's only me, pati, anthony and mr lim in the office. And i feel so cny-ish there's hardly any strength to get through any assginment. Well actually i've only been given one but it's gonna take eons to finish so i'm just taking it nice and slow.

Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy. Even though i had bread for lunch. It has still made me wanna doze off on the couch in the room.

Oh crappy, I shall scram back to the next table and do invoices again. The only difference is hey, I'm producing them today, not just checking.

Just had three oreo biscuits because i was bored. haha. It's freezing in the office today. Must have been the downpour last night. Doris, Katherine, Dennel and i actually wore different shades of pink today. It should have been made a monday colour. :)

The weekend flew by real fast. Besides bringing kel out here and there, I went over to mr wee's house for a gathering on sat. The food was good, and mr wee was still the nice old guy. As usual I wasn't spared from the teasings. But, for once i was given the privilege of going home at 10 plus. But i wasn't exactly going home, for i went to the bowling alley to meet my parents. I arrived there at 12 though, and they weren't pissed. amazing.

Thus i was happy on that day, and i am happy today too. But I'm lazing around in the office and i can't take out my sat booklet to look at. She didn't come to the office today, but i'm still not very sure of what can be done and what cannot.

Aahhh... more gossiping going around here.

I shall keep away.

darn it. My nails are still not long enough to be painted for cny. And i realised all my new tops are mostly of a darker shade. Crap. I hope no one gets a fit should i wear something black on that day.

Yawn. Jeremy hasn't made a move yet on minesweeper flags. I shall start my own game of bejeweled. I want some work to do. *screams*

p.s i hope you're fine tanya dear... take it easy and time will heal that wound. :)

And so he asked me, "had your coffee yet?"

I meekly nodded. What the hell. I don't even drink coffee or anything else besides water here. There's something wrong with my brain. First i blush furiously when he walks in, then i try and pretend that nothing has happened by ignoring him most of the time and now whoo-pee i answer everything on a wrong note.

Someone please just take my lousy brains out for some training.

What the hell is wrong with me.

There is a problem surfacing. A very big one. Maybe i should write a mail to the concerned one. But i don't know what to say exactly. As usual my life is fucked up. halleluia.

I saw jerry for less than a second last night. Rushed all over the place to get a cab but to no avail. Now he is ignoring me and i can't do anything about it. It was after all my fucking fault that i didn't get on the train earlier as planned. And besides, i bloody hate my stomach. It had me bent over when i reached home.

I wanna thank janice and stace though, for being the best of friends ever. Thank you thank you thank you. Oh ya janice... those lovely earrings are on me now. :) They matched perfectly with this white top that i had. :)

At 19, i face a problem of getting grounded perhaps. Great isn't it. I have 20 bucks in my pocket and about the same amount in my bank. Yet another worth celebrating fact. But since i bring bread everyday, i should be able to survive.

Just can't wait for cny to be over. Maybe things would pick up from there.

I hate it when things like this happen.

I look forward anxiously to meeting people after a long day at work. Then fifteen mins before i get off work and start making my way down you tell me that you're coming very much later.

Just kills the joy of it all. And the mood of the entire day. Fuck it man. Maybe you could have been nicer to tell me earlier.

But then again i guess i love you too much to even bear a grudge.

And to think that 2 people did the same thing at the same time. Thank you.

You are such a @#@#@#!~~!!!@. Just get a life and stop telling on others. gross.

Doris is on half day leave and I've got nothing to do. Once again, i feel redundant. But oh well at least there's mimi and jem to chat with. My fellow slackers.

Breathe by michelle branch is such a nice song. Haha yes i just realised that. Sigh I'm so bored now i'm just watching some music videos and singing along in hope that no one will open the door.

It's the third day i'm eating bread for lunch. I don't seem to have grown slimmer though. dammit.

So sweet.. Nick sang a song featuring his wedding with jessica simpson. I think I'm falling in love with gays. Those whom i think are cute have a sorta gay-ish side to them. haha. yay.

I am B.O.R.E.D

The last post was more of a rash one.

I decided i shall never take happiness for granted again. It's very very hard to come by. Or am i just very hard to please.

The supposedly happy morning turned crap when my colleagues started bitching. And it had to be in front of me. It wasn't about me, but i wasn't involved in the conversation either and that disturbed me. Cos i was pulled into the picture somehow, being known as THE TEMP. Which they seem to have mentioned with a certain angst in their voices.

So they start complaining about why a TEMP was hired in the first place when the company was trying to cut costs such that they're gonna fire someone permanent. Halleluia, what's this now? A hint for me to resign on my own accord?

I shall not give in to the erm indirect hints. Sigh.. and i thought that my colleagues were real good folks. Boo the hypocrisy.

My lunch time is officially over.

BLOODY HELL.

There's nothing left for me to do! Sigh... guess i finished my work a tad too fast. Doris is on mc today, thus i'm all alone in this room. The aircon is freezing.

When i've got time to chat everyone has gone out for lunch. Sigh. Yesterday the icons or whatever you call those were blinking and blinking endlessly such that i was annoyed. But now i'm bored.

It's quite a nice environment here. The people are nice. Katherine had lunch with me today, and she gave me a small little koala from australia, where she had her honeymoon. And she's actually weight-concious when she's stick thin. So tell me now, what on earth has happened to the joy of eating in the world?!!?!!

I should start packing my own lunch so that i can eat and surf the net at the same time. haha. I'm such an anti-social. Not really, cos the people here hardly have lunch together anyway. We just gather in the tv room if you want to eat there. And it's too far away from civilisation such that someone goes out and gets lunch for all of us. Which reminds me, that i owe katherine $2.30 and i owe pati $2.50. I've been free-lunching these two days. ack.

At least there's work to be done here. Yesterday was quite a shocking experience. Being new and all, i made all the mistakes i could have made. sigh. Pati asked me to use the typewriter and i stared at him blankly. Then i screwed up on counting the bangla's pay. *dies* Plus dennel the lame shit had to tell me that every cent meant alot to the banglas cos it could buy them alot of sweets back in their hometown. *rolls eyes*

It scares me to the ends of this earth whenever a bangla walks in. Sheesh. I'm just racist, but when they give me that wry smile i just wanna wriggle down under the table. And one told me, "hi, i'm ali, if you need help just come look for me". Imagine it with the accent and the erm smell, that pierced every inch of my skin. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just in case you were wondering why there are banglas, well it's cos i work in a galvanising company. I just found out that this company had a part in the construction of the esplanade- theatres on the bay. But, my job lasts only two days. And i got stressed on the first day cos my boss was stressed. The poor girl got so stressed she went on leave today.

I'm just waiting for pati to come assign me some work. I want doris to be back!!!!

My first ever job starts tmr. Whoo-pee-doo.....

I don't know what to do, what to expect. The people there seemed really nice though. Much nicer than those at southhaven at least. The guy at southhaven is a piece of crap. If he could god-damn stop murmuring to himself, I would have stayed longer to listen to what he had to say.

*takes a deep breath* Anyway, this new workplace is approximately 20 minutes away from civilisation. And i just realised that yans works at the company just opp my dad's. like omg hello! She thought her company was super ulu. Maybe i should give her a free trip to my office. The pay is not bad though and transport is provided so i took up the job.

To my HORROR, i noticed a significantly increased amount being deducted from my ez-link card this morning. Then it dawned upon me that the year 2004 had arrived. ok fine i'm 7 days late in saying that.

There was no countdown for me. I just stood at the balcony of the maple suite in KL and wow-ed at the fireworks with a coke barcadi in my hand. There were four places which released the fireworks all at the same time. According to the guy next to me, it was fucking magnificent. Great.

Been to three countries in three weeks and yet i don't feel as happy as i ought to have been. I've got this rage in me that's dying to be let out but not just as yet. I don't like the way some people express themselves, and i don't like the way i express myself either. Just go ahead and insult me for all you can muster, for i've been numbed by it all.

There's too much noise i can't type. hey kel or bel, if you're reading this, guess who's the noise-maker. haha.